February 2012
Restraining order? I hardly new 'er!
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Vanilla Ice is a Juggalo.
Sort of makes sense when you think about it.
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Going to get Denny's for dinner, because I feel...
So I guess everyone's gonorrhea came backorrhea.
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Having a beard is nice, but it stops me from...
Characters I’d like to dress as who lack a beard:
The Doctor
Scott Pilgrim
Malcolm Reynolds
John Constantine
Admiral Kirk
The Question
The Spirit
Characters I’d like to dress as who have a beard:
Hm.
Shaun…wait, that’s just a goatee. And I’d have to peroxide my head
Goddammit.
Billy Mays?
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Never has my craving for Doritos been as strong as...
I haven't had a drink in a week and a half.
I never knew how homely everyone in my city was until now.
Oh, hi there.
Face down, ass up.
That’s the way I browse the bottom of my media shelf.
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I hate having short hair.
It gives me nothing to grab hold of when I’m masturbating.
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Don't look at me like that.
I’m not the only one who goes to Target just so I can walk around with my 3DS in pocket so I can record my steps and then turn those steps into coins and then turn those coins into heroes which I can then use to conquer the final demon boss of Shadow Tower in Find Mii 2.
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Goddammit, role playing games.
Stop giving me nine characters to deal with.
I am so tired of RPGs throwing a dozen party members at me during the game. It so often detracts from the overall story because many characters A) don’t get expanded upon much, or B) DO get expanded upon instead of other, more important characters.
Just give me like, 3-4 characters. Hell, make me use the same characters the entire game. I...
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Snuggle-Tron 5000.
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Alright, my Seattle research.
So, as mentioned last night, Laura mentioned to me the notion of moving with her to Seattle. I thought on it all night, and have spent most of this afternoon compiling information concerning expenses and how much money I would need to make such an endeavor possible.
Now nothing is decided, obviously. I know how easy it is to get excited over some new life venture and I’m not jumping onboard...
Laura has asked me to move with her to Seattle...
I am seriously considering it.
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Life after Disneyland.
It’s difficult.
After returning home from my week-long vacation to Los Angeles/Disneyland with Joe and Valerie, I’ve found myself a bit down low. Not taking into account that I contracted food poisoning last Monday and spent most of the week recuperating, I’ve sort of been lacking in any energy or drive lately.
I put my webcomic on hiatus and I honestly don’t think...
Anonymous asked: are you bored?
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“Save the butthole for the second date.”
– Luke
Anonymous asked: I meant booty but you're boot poetry is just as lovely <3
likethepresident asked: Beard Poetry!?
Anonymous asked: BOOT POETRY!
My Playstation 3 is doing a system update.
I guess I’ll just sit here and contemplate the rest of my life.
Anonymous asked: what is your favorite part of a womans body?
oh no my butt.
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Grey skies and rainy days.
It’s good to live in California’s Central Valley.
Ooh, those drops are hitting hard!
Wait, those are gunshots.
A Mortal Kombat review from last year.
Just found it, I think I wrote this to send to UGO or 1UP.com when I was hoping to apply for an editor position. I don’t think I got a call back on that.
By Jeff Brown
May 9, 2011
Sometimes you just have to hit the reset button.
It has been nearly 10 years since the name ‘Mortal Kombat’ bore any relevance. Long gone from the media limelight of the 1990s, the Midway-produced...
I want to form a scat band.
We’ll call ourselves “The Runs.”
Drop it like its molecules are moving at a high...
Anthony Kiedis' Steak and Shrimp Family Eatery.
“What I got you’ve got to get it put it in you!”
Anthony Kiedis’ Home Remedy and Suppository Depot
“What I got you’ve got to get it put it in you!”
Anthony Kiedis’ Sex Store and Dildo Emporium
“What I got you’ve got to get it put it in you!”
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Ugh, trying to choose a new theme. This is like...
There’s so much blood.
Polyvore?
Sorry, I haven’t caught that Pokemon yet.
I want to be a lawyer.
So I can preface every question for the witness stand with “Riddle me this.”
Time to lay in bed and digest.
For the next 16 hours.
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Tiger tiger, burning bright. In the forests of the...
…holy shit someone should do something.
Tigers are an endangered species.
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The toaster broke.
If the toaster is broke, I can’t make toast.
If I can’t make toast, I can’t spread Nutella for snacks.
If I can’t spread Nutella on toast for snacks, I have to fist the jar and lick the contents off of my bruised knuckle like some Fight Club-version of Winnie the Pooh.
“Grim, isn’t it?”
Sergeant Adkins’ voice droned at me from behind; a nagging, dull tone pointing out every obvious element of the crime scene.
“Yes, sir. Quite grim.”
New York’s finest blanketed the street, just another Brooklyn neighborhood — music blaring from one building, reefer smoke and soft halogen lamps from the next. And in the middle of...
You wouldn't steal a boner.