March 2012
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Sometimes I look down at my penis and I'm like,...
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OMG I CAN'T BREATHE LOL WHAT IS AIR.
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blllleeeeeegh.
If one more person responds to my Craigslist sale...
There is this guy who is responding to EVERY AD I HAVE with “trade u trees.” If I tell him no and quote the price he tries to haggle me down $10 or so on every sale.
Is this just his M.O. across Craigslist?
FOR SALE: Baby crib, toys, clothing, etc.
“I am selling a lot of baby stuff: Crib $20, toys $1 each, clothes $1 for each item. We were expecting a new life in the...
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"omg i hate going to clubs"
Then don’t fucking go to clubs.
Just an FYI, Command and Conquer: Tiberian Sun is... →
For all you RTS fans.
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February 2012
0 posts
You know things are getting bad when you start...
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Ba-donk-a-donk.
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In the case of an earthquake, coat your body with...
After doing so, lay on the floor and wait approximately four minutes — within that time a horde of ants should arise from the cracks created by the natural disaster. Allow yourself to be carried down under the earth by the carpet of insects to their network of caves and tunnels, where you will be safe from such dangers as:
Falling ceilings
Teetering furniture
Gas leaks and fires
I hate having a buffer for my webcomic.
Because whenever I finish off a strip, I want to share it.
Right that moment.
But I can’t, it must wait for the update day.
It’s torture.
And right now I have a week’s worth of updates sitting in the drafts box, just waiting to be published.
It’s maddening.
I have run into a few old friends/co-workers lately, and each of them made sure to tell me that they were big...
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In the case of a bear attack, make fart noises...
Then remove the innards and use the bones and fur as a pleasant summer home.
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I take a break from video games every few hours to...
My mouse-clicking hand is cold.
This is how I die.
Michael Jackson: Do you remember the time...
Alzheimer's patient: No...
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Could god create a Slim Jim so radical that even...
First I snap into your Slim Jim. Then I fuck your...
I was dreaming that I had a Green Lantern ring.
And I didn’t want to wake up.
I had misplaced my lantern and needed to recharge, so the last portion was me looking for it. I had discovered that I could instruct my ring to find the lantern and it would seek it out.
Then it took me to some place where there were a bazillion gigantic spiders.
And I was like “fuck this” and bailed.
The flying was the best part.
I've always felt that if my penis could talk it...
Ain't no party like an S-Club party
cuz’ an S-Club party consists of a number of elements which cannot be duplicated precisely such as location and individuals, as well as certain reactionary elements formed by causality and sheer chance.
Welp, that dino photoset hit 4,400+ notes. →
It has beaten out my Doctor Who photo from last year as the post with the most notes.
In this week's episode of Supernatural, the...
Sam: Dean! Rock salt isn’t working!
Dean: Wait, I have an idea. Quick, hand me those marshmallows!
Sam: What?!
Dean: JUST DO IT! Prep those chocolate bars!
Sam: …it’s hunting season.
Sex with me is a lot like the Pixar film "Up."
A lot of crying within the first 10 minutes.
All Dogs (who accept Jesus Christ as their lord...
Don't get angry. Get hungry.
Sex with me is like an episode of Sesame Street.
It takes puppets and a lot of imagination to make things bearable.
I made myself a vodka-cranberry tonight.
It’s the first time I’ve had a drink since…well, since the accident.
Wetting the bed is so unbecoming for a 27 year old.
You've got a lot of heart, kid.
I’m so sorry.
You have a case of dilated cardiomyopathy, and it is quite severe. You only have a few years left to live.
My hands are cold.
Time to sit on them.
Now my hands smell like butt.
Time to wash them.
Now my hands are pruney.
Time to eat them.
I need mutant powers.
For reasons.
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4 tags
I'm playing Words With Friends again.
You can start up a game with me, should you please.
Username is Tehjeff.
Because I’m creative.
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This is my 10,000th post.
Time for presents.
I watched Birdemic tonight.
That’s all you need to know.