clutter.

Life after Disneyland.

It’s difficult.

After returning home from my week-long vacation to Los Angeles/Disneyland with Joe and Valerie, I’ve found myself a bit down low. Not taking into account that I contracted food poisoning last Monday and spent most of the week recuperating, I’ve sort of been lacking in any energy or drive lately.

I put my webcomic on hiatus and I honestly don’t think I’m going to revive it. I just don’t feel good about it anymore. I know some folks like it, and have questioned my pause, but for the most part I haven’t been very happy with it. I don’t have artistic skill, and there have been almost no strips posted that I have been happy with. I just can’t do it the way I like, and it’s not really fun anymore. I also think most of the strips are kind of without purpose, I wish I had started something with a narrative or story but alas.

So for now, that’s on hold. I’ve tried to shake some stuff up at home, moving my room around and whatnot, but I just feel…bleh. You go to a city that is so alive with entertainment and comedy, and you spend five days park-hopping on rides and rollercoasters with friends, and it’s just hard to be back in a city like Stockton. I went down to my coffee shop this afternoon, and as I walked to the front everyone within a few blocks all stared down the street at some police cars. Apparently there was a shooting behind the gun store, and there were police in pursuit — this was at, like, 3 p.m.

I dunno, I feel my creative juices waning. I got my AA, which is nice, and I’ll get the OK from Sac State soon enough I figure, but this is a legitimate crossroad I’m at right now and I don’t know what to do. The plan was to go to school and finish with a bachelors, but I don’t even know what I want to major in or what I want to focus on as a career. I spent years and years of my life working toward newspapers, and now that’s just not a reality anymore — I don’t know what I’m good at, I don’t know where my skills lay. 

Part of me thinks I should go to Sac and finish school, despite the fact that I really don’t care much about finishing college. Part of me wants to move down to L.A. and work on my writing and see what happens (whilst visiting Disneyland every weekend). Part of me wants to go to the bay and try to get an editor job with one of a dozen games-related websites. And then part of me wants to move to Toronto and re-enact scenes from Scott Pilgrim.

I’m going to be 28 next month. I’m no more clear on my life path now than I was 10 years ago.

This is just a rant. I’ll figure something out. I just feel…frustrated and pessimistic and disconnected. 

I’ll just go get someone pregnant.

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